My First Catholic Church Experience

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This is a piece I initially wanted to submit for the Vetra magazine July edition, but I decided to write it as a standalone because the more I think about it, the funnier it becomes. So, here goes my story. PS: try not to laugh at me, although I'm already laughing myself.  I knew I was on for a long ride when I discovered that the main church I can attend to see people who look closely like me in this village is a catholic church. As a boy from the west, my first concern is "will I be able to understand anything they say?" Little did I know that I was actually worrying about the smallest part of the whole thing.  It was from the sitting arrangement that I knew there was a problem. As a Cele boy from Lagos, my church is divided into two visibly separate parts: male on the right, female on the left. But this church get 3 rows, "which one is my category?" Maybe one role na for the father, the other for the son, and the third for the holy spirit... I no go l...
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